X Factor USA: The panel is announced

Finally, US X Factor has announced the judging line up for series two: Simon Cowell, L.A. Reid, Demi Lavato and BRITNEY SPEARS.

After debuting the show with less than impressive viewing figures last year, there's not much surprise that Cowell roped in such a heavyweight like Spears. This may be an opportunity for her to regain confidence and continue her comeback as the Princess of Pop. 10 years in the industry, kids. She's a legend.

And Demi can, I guess, move forward from singing about skyscrapers and such. No, really, she does seem quite sweet and enthuastic. I'm sure she'll do well on the panel.

Totes looking forward to the new series.

Britney: 'Til the World Ends'

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qzU9OrZlKb8&ob=av3e

Demi: 'Skyscraper'

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r_8ydghbGSg&ob=av2e
TOL.

BGT 2012: The Final

Here we are again, it's the BGT final. With all due respect, it has turned out to be a pretty good series something which has impressed more than BBC One rival, The Voice. Yes, everyone got really excited about the swivel chairs in the blind auditions. But then behold the battle rounds and live shows. It has just become another X Factor. It has lost its appeal to me as it has for other members of the public as viewing figures have dropped substanially since the live shows began. Not even Will.i.am saying 'Dope' five billion times in a sentence, can save the show now. (I believe 'dope' means 'good' (just double checked with the Urban Dictionary, don't want to look stupid).

I digress. BGT has had a great selection of talent this year and the live finals have been really entertaining. The banter between the judges has been funny. The 'my Simon' quips from Walliams to Cowell. Walliams making references to Simon's sexuality. Simon getting really uncomfortable. Us all laughing at Walliams' comedy. Alesha Dixon's dirty laugh has made us chuckle too. She has been a stand out judge this year. Watching her on BGT, she just seems much more confident when giving her comments to the contestants, more so, I think, than in Strictly. I really do like her. And Amanda Holden? Well, she's just Amanda Holden.

And the acts? AAAAAAAH IT'S PUDSEY!!! THAT REALLY CUTE DOG THAT CAN WALK ON IT'S HIND LEGS. AND DO LOTS OF TRICKS. IT'S LIKE REALLY CLEVER. IT'S LIKE A LITLLE HUMAN BEING BUT WITH FUR. OMG, HOW CUUUUUTE. Oh, it is though, right? It's amazing and it must win this competition. The queen would love it. That dog has bloody loads of talent. Unlike my dog, who eventhough she is cute, has only two exclusive 'talents', whining for attention and licking her arse. I think if Pudsey doesn't win then the whole nation will be sorely disappointed. Other contenders this year are Jonathan and Charlotte, Aquabatic and Ryan O' Shaughnessy. Of course, J and C did well in the audition stages and were impressive during their semi- final with Charlotte stepping up to the mark, showing that she is a talented singer. Even if they don't win Simon will probably sign them anyway. No worries. Aquabatic are different and an act that we haven't seen before on the show. They have a strong back story, they couldn't qualify for the Olympics, apparently. I didn't think they were that good, to be honest. They're quite restricted to the rountine that they can do being in a tank, so my interest waned quickly. And finally, Ryan. Cute for writing a song about his love interest. However, the song that he sung on the semi put into question whether he really is a good songwriter. Great for writing your own songs but when there are lyrics such as: 'Every story has a beginning, middle and an end' and 'When you move in for the first kiss/ make sure you don't miss. Well, mate, most of us know what the basic structure of a story is and most know how to kiss. It's like he's insulting the general public's common knowledge. Tsk. Still, he could win.

Who's going to do it tonight? I'm backing Pudsey. You? Tune in tonight at 7.30pm on ITV 1 to find out.

TOL.

Pick of the Box: The Voice, Britain's Got Talent, We Won't Drop The Baby.

Good evening, readers. Before I proceed, I must apologise, for not updating this sooner, it really isn't acceptable. I've been so busy with university and turning the big 2-1 (I'm old now, this is unfair, just waiting for the day that I wake up with grey hair and my tits around my ankles). I celebrated with a joyous party. I got 'a bit' drunk and then ended up feeling like death when I went to bed. No hangover the next day though. I deserve an award for that alone.) that I've forgotten to inform/ entertain you and show my deep rooted interest in my beautiful readers, as after all, you are 'boss'. Going to talk about TV picks now, mainly because I've missed entertainment things like Whitney's death, Adele putting her finger up at the BRIT Awards, Queen of Pop Madge headling Superbowl and Stacey Soloman being stripped of her 'Foxy Bingo Mum of the Year' award because she was papped smoking a silk cut while preggers.


So yeah, TV. 


The Voice


After weeks of hardsell, the BBC unleashed 'The Voice' to us all as their new Saturday Night TV show was up against ITV heavyweight, BGT. It's an interesting concept, isn't it? Four superstar judges, sitting in chairs that are not facing the contestants, having to listen to their voices only. If a coach likes them, they press a button to turn around and get that singer as part of their team (of ten, all together) but if several turn around it becomes up to the contestant to choose who they want to work with. The winner gets their hands on a recording contract with Universal music. The coaches are: Jessie J, Tom Jones, will.i.am and Danny O' Donoghue. Yes, FOUR superstar coaches. FOUR. I mean EVERYONE knows who Danny O' Donoghue is, don't they? He's like a singer of some band, think he's Irish, released that music video with a girl writing a postcard. Anyone? At all?

Besides the BBC's choice of coaches, it was refreshing to see something that wasn't X Factor. A show that has become more about entertainment, downright stupidity and the judges raising their own profiles than actual singing talent. It doesn't mean that this show doesn't have the potential to do the same over time, but it was just pleasant to see contestants sing and be reasonably good at it, such as J Marie Cooper who performed a rendition of Jessie J's 'Mama's Knows Best' or Sean Conlon fromerly of Five. Of course, there was competition amongst the coaches if they both liked the same act, who would press the button to turn their chair around first with the audience screaming wildly in the background. It was really gripping. So gripping, in fact, that I want a swivel chair to try and recreate that tension inducing atmosphere with. It would be cool. 


BBC 1, Saturday 7pm. 


Britain's Got Talent 


Simon's BACK! Hoooraaaay! He's returned with his bitches (judges) on his arm. A great selection this year: Amanda Holden and newcomers Alesha Dixon and David Walliams. No doubt Si's return is to boost the show after viewing figures slumped last series. We had the usual acts: dancing girls, a poetry recital with a man dancing in the background, a young lad playing his teeth. Without question the 'best' act was Jonathan and Charlotte, the plus size 17 year old boy belted out opera supported by his friend. Simon and co were very much impressed by his abilities but wanted to him to go through on his own because they thought he was 'world class' and unbelievable'. Jonathan wanted to go through as a duo, which he was allowed to do, and they are now one of the early favourites to win the show. 


ITV1, Saturday, 8pm. 


We Won't Drop The Baby

This documentary was part of the 'Beyond Disability' Season on BBC One and followed disabled couple Laurence Clark and his wife Adele, who both have Cerebral Palsy. I had the pleasure of interviewing Laurence last year, about touring stand up comedy show. (A great man, he's coming to the Unity theatre in May to do a gig, go and see him!). Both Laurence and Adele campaign tirelessly for disability rights. This programme, brought to the forefront how disabled parents cope with having a family. The couple already have a six year old son called Tom and now we see that Adele is pregnant with their second child. It was a great insight into their family life as we saw Adele adamant to give birth naturally despite her condition. Unfortunately, her birth faced complications and she opted for a C- Section but she did manage to give birth to a little boy, Jamie. What was especially good about this programme was how they made us aware of the negative perceptions surroundings disabled couples, relationships, sexuality and family. Despite this, they have managed to raise two healthy children without the help of PA's, completely on their own terms. A fantastic programme part of an equally great series, which you can catch up with on i player.

More soon. Writing about babies has made me broody for the next installment of 'One Born Every Minute' which is another splendid bit of TV. Who doesn't love the miracle of life? A woman wailing horrifically as she pushes a tiny human out of her vagina, whilst being watched by a father to be whose either really supportive or a waste of space. Can't wait. 

TOL. x

Gareth Gates and me are 'at it' again (ie. Harping on about stammering, OBVIOUSLY)

Ah, Gareth Gates. Haven't seen him in a while with his cute little face and speech impediment. However,  I saw him on Monday fronting a programme entitled 'Stop My Stutter' in which Gareth, talks about how he's now a qualified speech therapist working on an intensive course to help stammerers overcome their affliction. Being a stammerer myself, I was somewhat interested in this programme. I mean I had to be. What kind of stammerer, would I be otherwise? I'd probably be lynched mobbed by Gazza and his followers. And no-one really deserves that. For others though, it was a chance to fill their hearts shamelessly with the emotion that only comes from engaging with disability related programmes: “Awwwww, they are soooooooo inspirational/ brave/ amazing (Delete as appropriate). “I'm literally crying through this” *BLUB*  "God bless you, Gareth. I love you." ETC ETC ETC.

We all remember Gareth, ten years ago, a 17 year-old guy on Pop Idol. He walked into the audition in front of Simon Cowell, Pete Waterman, Nicki Chapman and Neil 'not an actual fox' Fox and sang the judges a classic bit of Westlife:

Gareth's first audition

He got through. But more than that, he was one of the first people to be on TV with a stammer. Those who had speech impediments rejoiced, it was fantastic. We could finally be represented. Someone was like us. Then he lost to Will Young, who had a lisp. We were crushed.

Now, we can't deny that Gareth has done well after Pop Idol, with music and theatre career to his name, he even produced musical delights, like this:

Sunshine- Gareth Gates

I do actually commend his efforts and his hard work at raising awareness of this disability which is really good and something that every disabled person should endeavour to do, famous or otherwise. Although, I’m honestly not that supportive of the course that he was endorsing on this documentary, the Mcguire Programme. I know about this only because of two years ago. I went with a friend to see the delightful musical Sweet Charity. Oh, so it wasn’t exactly great and my friend had just broken up from her boyfriend, who she was in a three years relationship with and I took her to see this really appropriate lovey-dovey play. OK, we both felt like shit. We were made to realise that we both lacked romance in our lives AND I noticed that my stammer was so rubbish on the night, I literally couldn’t get out a sentence. My stammer was at a stage were my crutches (the things that a stammerer does to cover up the fact that they do ) were ridiculous, my tongue was sticking out and I was opening my mouth so wide that I thought my jaw was going to fall off. When I got home, I did the usually ‘dramatic cry/ feel sorry for self’ routine, this time over the sink of the upstairs bathroom (It made sense, I was getting ready to go to bed).  But then, the difference was that I wanted change, I wanted to feel better about myself and needed to gain more control over it. Thus, this resulted in me finding the McGuire Programme.

It’s a course that mixes the psychological techniques of Joseph Sheehan, who tells you that stammering is a behaviour that you have control over rather than you being the ‘victim’ of your own situation with a technique called costal breathing (which in itself can be considered as a cover-up). Throughout the four day course, you learn how to re-programme your breathing to speak with more ease and fluency.

Fantastic, I thought. This looks great. I can sort out this problem once at for all. There was one tiny stipulation though…

The course is around £700 to attend excluding living and travel costs. If you take into account these then it’s around £1000.

Fair enough, that this is one way to help stammerers overcome their impediment. But then I can’t help thinking that this course and others exploit us and those like it to get their hands on our cash. If ten people go then that’s £10,000.  And there’s such things known as ‘lifetime membership fees’ which are an extra few bob. We’ve already got disabilities. But asking us for that kind of money? They are not doing themselves any favours and frankly should be ashamed. I suppose that it is our choice though. Putting on what looks like your dad’s old belt, round your diaphragm and taking in a deep breath, is definitely worth that kind of money.

Admittedly though, it did help so people on the course, particularly the guy Simon who was soon getting married and was terrified about saying his wedding vows. He really was struggling with blocking and getting his words out. He seemed to have practised the art of costal breathing which is no more than four words with each breath to start, building up to a faster more normal pace. On his last day of the course, he presented himself to family and friends (cue emotional music) and spoke for a couple of minutes in a tone that sounded like he had just been aroused, sexually. He did manage to say what he wanted with much more ease than previously. See, it works for some.  

I’m on an NHS speech therapy programme, at the moment.  I don’t really go as much as I once did but it is always really good to know that I have (non-exploitive) support. I’ve come to learn that stammering is mainly driven by fear which you can only overcome by putting your into fearful situations, meaning that you need to confront them. Having the balls to say something in a seminar, interviewing someone for article (if you’re an aspiring journo, obvs), ordering a cheese and onion pasty from your local Greggs and using the phone. Anything like that. The more you do, the better you’ll get at doing it. Hence, your confidence and self- esteem shall flourish. No need to fork out loads of dosh or marvel at Gazza G’s gelled centre part of a hairstyle.  

Until next time though, Gaz. Maybe we’ll see you in Celebrity Masterchef soon. Cooking a chocolate pudding or something. If it’s against Will Young, you can beat him and get the revenge you truly deserve.

Work experience at the Liverpool Echo.

Last week, I undertook my work placement at the Liverpool Echo. Going back to the offices in Old Hall Street felt like the 80's TV sit-com Cheers. You see, I've been there twice before, to have a chat with the Regional Editor and to do some experience at the Wirral News. "Where everybody knows your name". OK, so not everybody but some people did remember me. In effect, what I'm trying to say is that everything was familar to me and you know, I've been there before. Yes. I think we all understand this now. Move on...

Getting onto a regional paper was the next step up for me, experience-wise. It's a paper with a bigger circulation and there's just more going on with it, so I was looking forward to it and was intrigued to see what would happen. The first day was more of an introduction. We were assigned to a journalist who would take care of us during our placement and give jobs to be getting on with. Ah, press releases. They are wonderful things. Granted, they teach you in an extremely simple way how to put a news story together, which is good. But once you've done a few they becoming a little bit soul-destroying. Fair enough, very. But then, we all need to work our way up in our chosen professions... and the next job... vox pops.

Any would be journalist knows what vox pops are. It is a term that translates as 'voice of people' and involves you walking up to members of the public and interviewing them about a certain issue. In this case, it was a 'street style', asking young people in Liverpool about what they were wearing, style inspirations etc. Unfortunately, Monday wasn't exactly the best day, weather-wise. It was shit. In fact, it was the shittest weather to ever to do a vox pop in, ever. Me and the other girl on work experience I was with decided it was best to lurk outside Topshop in Liverpool One. Oh God. The bitter cold of the wind made the whole experience so much more enjoyable. I thought I was not going to come out of this alive. We managed to interview a couple of girls which was great. But then, we needed to ask them if we could take a picture. Some refused eventhough we tried to persuade them, we finally managed to get what we needed, thankfully before dying a premature death due to hypothermia.

Tuesday was mainly centred about Kate Middleton's visit to the city, her second solo engagement without Prince William. Eventhough I asked if workies could tag along, the answer was no. Simply because of the tight security. Only one local and one national journalist were allowed to report when she visited dry bar The Brink, Alder Hey Children's Hospital and Ronald McDonald House. Not a great royalist but it was still nice to see her here. The journalist who was lucky enough to report said that she seemed really nice (despite not getting to speak to her). People in the office were commenting on the fact that she was very slight, which must mean she can afford an extra slither of banofee pie. However, the more interesting part of the placement came on Wednesday, when I got to shadow a senior journalist on a job. We went down to Liverpool's Heart and Chest Hospital to interview a lovely lady who was part of a new screening trial for lung cancer. She had a history of the disease throughout her family, and told us of her her son who suffered from the disease and died from it at the age of 45.  I was just observing the interview and I got to see how the journalist conducted it, the way in which she put forward her questions and how she was apt in shorthand at recording the lady's responses. All of which was great for me to see and something which I got alot out of.

By Thursday, it was back to press releases but I got a chance to talk to the Regional Ed, Chris Walker. Mainly about what I should do next, with regards to work experience. He told me I could go locally or further afield and try nationals, but I needed to remember that it 's not neccessary about quantity but the quality of the work you produce on the placement. Also, he told me that at the moment, he isn't running the Newcastle bursary. Right. So I started researching Plan B, another journalism diversity bursary which you can get wiith any course as long as it is NCTJ accredited. (That's the National Council for Training of Journalists- A course from them is good one to take to help you get your first job in the industry). Options: Liverpool, Newcastle, Manchester, London. Would very much like to move away if I do get the money. Would love London, but then it is whether or not I could find a job and afford to live there. Unless I learn to crap money soon, I think somewhere like Manchester is somewhat more feasible. As for that day, I just had the usual press releases....

Friday. Best day of the week, they say? Yes, it was. Switched on my computer and logged into Twitter (for news purposes...) and actually found a bit of breaking news, courtesy of my observant university friend. She speculated that a man had been found dead in her halls of residence, Grand Central. Wow. Sat on this for a while. Didn't say anything. Then the voice in my head was like "Come 'ed girl, you gotta do this, if not for you but for your mar and dar, they'll be made up. Don't be a mef!' If only that were true... Still, I decided to just go for it and the journalist I spoke to seemed really pleased. He asked me to phone the police to get confirmation and I was the first to break the story. From then on, I just got more information by phoning universities and going to visit the accommodation itself and looking on the internet for tributes. The result? A joint byline on PAGE TWO of Saturday's paper.

All in all pretty good. I hope to get more placements very soon. For now though, just want to go to bed.

Until next time

xxxx

Personal care and me

Living on my own has been grand during university. I'm still in the halls that I was in during first year and have met someone interesting people, some more so than others i.e. The flatmate with the 'midnight' lover who came round several times during the week and just ate all our food because she believed that the accommodation provided it- NOT THE BEN AND JERRY'S ICE CREAM!!!!!! YOU BEATCH! Nevertheless, I've really valued being away from home and my parents (I do love them but, you know, I need space) and having independence to just grow into a confident and beautiful young woman.

Now, in order to become the most 'confident' and 'beautiful' woman I can be whilst living on my own, I have what's called a Personal Carer/ Personal Assistant. That sounds great, doesn't it? They help with things like: cleaning, cooking, general personal care. I'm a Queen sitting on my own motorised throne, eating quail eggs with smoked salmon on toast for breakfast, reading an issue of Heat whilst working with my PA to achieve an effortless blow dry...... Yeah, like I can afford quail eggs or smoked salmon. I just pretend.

Seriously though, PA’s are great a support for disabled people trying to lead impendent lives. Or at least, they are when you get the right one. Personal care has honestly been one of the most frustrating things about living away but it has taught me alot about how to approach it all in the future, which in a way, I could say I'm grateful for. Usually, you get two choices: you can hire them privately or through an agency. Disabled people get assessed for a care package, which is an allocated number of hours given to you for your needs and is all funded by the council. When I first started and right now, I'm private. This means I employ my own PA which sounds rather good. Kind of like the Lord Sugar of the personal care world. Well, sort of. I choose my candidates, interview and hire them. I've never had the opportunity to fire someone. Would be boss though. Then they'd have to walk out all glum into a taxi with that authoritative/ scary music in the background. I wish it was actually like The Apprentice. Shame that it's not.

I've had good PA's from hiring privately. The only downside is that because I need such a limited number of hours, they have tended not to stay very long, as its not very stable (especially during uni holidays etc) so it has been a little bit tricky. The other option is the agency. The best agency PA I've had, was one that who went the extra mile and was amazingly kind, to the point that she made me pancakes in the morning and homemade shortbread. YES. Agencies are definitely good because they are more reliable. If one is ill then there is back-up. A disadvantage is that they usually do have more people to see, so working together can seem rushed. Reliability though, is really important when it comes to care and it's the one thing I've had a real struggle with. As a student, you need a PA to come get you ready in the morning for lectures. If I'm late, then I've missed out on important things that will be difficult to catch up on (You've gathered that I'm not one of those students who come to a lecture half an hour late, with the banging hangover, gasping for a bacon sandwich. I'm more of those: "ZOMG! I got a first in my literature and madness essay! I have to be in universitee every single day without having drinkies the night before because I is a clevur gurl!" Thus, the drug of choice that most interests me is intellectual and not recreational. Don't get me wrong though, I do like a drink and a night out on the razz, just when I've not got uni the next day. I'm not THAT boring). Similarly, when I get a job, repeatedly being late will result most probably in me being sacked. Keeping to a set time, shouldn't be that hard, right?

Well it was for this particular agency, especially at the beginning of my second year. Bear in mind, that they are paid to assist, by me, so I expect some degree of respect from them. Instead, I've had to contend with laziness, one just deciding to leave early frequently before the end of their shift and an accusation of me treating her like a 'slave'. Nice that. The 'slave' comment was the breaker for me, I just told the PA to leave before getting horrendously upset. I think all the frustration just kind of all came out over shit ones that I'd had recently and I think I was all emosh because I was due on. I remember I got to my theory class and I was trying to be all composed, then I just shot a look and one of my good friends and started again, although it seemed more animated and I manage to partake in some hyperventilation. Always great. Wheeled myself into a feminism lecture, calmed down. Inner belief was restored and I realised that I could do this, because I'm an INDEPENDENT WOMAN. *Cue relevant "Destiny's Child" track in own mind*

Overall then, personal care is often seen as a fundamental part of disabled person's life. For me, it just makes things a whole lot easier, physically. One thing that past experience has taught me is that it really is about the attitude of the person, no matter if they come privately or from an agency. Being in control of your own independence, means that you should to do the same thing with your care. If they are late repeatedly, hurl abuse or whatever they take to doing, you don't need to accept it. Show them the door and find another who will really respect you and do their job properly. They might be hard to find, but once you have, you can get on with your life just as you want to.
PS. Really would like to know what other disabled people think about personal care and how it has affected you. That'd be nice. Drop me a comment, if you like!

 

I wanna be a journalist!

So, I want to be a journalist. Like a lot of bright young things with a 'talent' for writing and an aptitude for current affairs, I think I can be one. I've been on the prospective journo band wagon for three years now. Yes, I did leave journalism after the first year but clawed my way back in, because I realised it's something I did enjoy and wanted to really pursue. Recently, I've begun to start thinking about what the next step for me is, journalistically. I'm interested in entertainment. Need more work experience. Going to graduate next year. Have to find a job. OH MY GOD!

I do that, I'm a worrier. Not just that I'm a woman with a life plan. I do like doing that, I like knowing what will happen all the time. I don't accept spontaneity. I want everything to be the way I planned because, well, I'm the boss of my own fecking life. At least I fool myself into believing that...

So.... I planned to go and see my ex- journo tutor for a meeting to address my woes. Honestly, can say that he's wonderful still helping after I left that course. I still write for LJMU Journalism which is a pretty awesome student website. Even though it short and sweet, I got a lot out of it which I thought I'd share with anyone who wants to be a journo and basically he told me to stop planning my life so much. SADFACE.

It doesn't matter how talented you are or even how much experience you have, most journalism jobs come from luck and knowing the right people. Journalism is extremely competitive and it helps if you know people to get your foot in the door. If not, though, you need to make those contacts yourself in order not just to be able to pull together an impressive portfolio of work experience, but to get yourself known around your own city. So that doesn't necessarily mean trying the 'big shots' in London, as I was thinking to bump up the old CV, it means staying in Liverpool and focusing on local outlets ie. Southport Visiter, The Echo, BBC Radio Merseyside etc. I've already worked for two of these publications which stands me in good stead. The most important thing I got from this though, was that final year really is when you need to make an impression. That's when you have to start getting the placements. Great for me because I only have to deal with the one I've got coming in February as part of second year work experience.There's only so much you can learn from placements, you don't need as many as you think. You've just got to make the most of the ones you've got.

Before you get your first job, you need qualifications. I'm thinking of doing an NCTJ course for 5 months in Newcastle (Fog of the tyne is all mine and all that). Because I have a disability, I'm hoping to get a diversity bursary (Rhymes) that pays for the course and living expenses. Although, there are loads of courses to choose from but if you don't get that particular course, which lets you take the NCTJ exams, very good exams to take because they teach things including: Ethics, law and shorthand. If you don't though, there's always on the job training (which you get by having a good portfolio and it won't burn a hole in your pocket if money is an issue).

My tutor also said that I have to be aware of my disability. Of course, as a student with a disability you do have the same ambitions as any other but I've had to accept that it may be that little bit harder for me to find stable employment. This doesn't mean I, or anyone else with a impairment should give up on what they want to do but you have to remain realistic.

There you are then. Hope this is helpful to you. Journalism is my goal for now but who knows I might just become Dr Niciu PhD. Just so that I can be known as a 'Dr' and have that title put on important documents like my credit card. Not so great if I'm in a restaurant and someone yells "IS THERE A DOCTOR PRESENT??? I THINK THIS MAN IS CHOKING" and I walk towards him with "YES, I'M A DOCTOR" and then I start babbling on at the man about Shakespeare. The guy that called for help looks confused as he realises that unfortunately, I am not a doctor of medicine, just of literature. Better stick to being a journo for now, love.

Beyonce gives birth to her baby... HOOOOORAH!

So, she's done it. Much like when Mary gave birth to Jesus Christ, Beyonce has welcomed a bouncing baby girl into the world, by the name of  Blue Ivy Carter. Bey gave birth on Saturday, according to reports, in a New York hospital. The Bootylicious mama checked in under the name 'Ingrid Jackson' and spent a whopping $1.3 million on hiring out the fourth floor of the hospital. Congratulations, Beyonce! You've certainly taken your time, haven't you love?

But it appears she has, hasn't she? From the moment she announced her pregnancy on the VMA's in LA back in August, belting out 'Love on Top' and chucking her microphone into an audience's member's face causing them to suffer a severe facial disfigurement (OK... maybe not) then rubbing her belly with a smug satisfaction on her face, the showbiz world went CRAAAAYZEEEE. Seriously, Twitter died temporarily and everyone was so incredibly happy for this one woman that they forgot that childbirth is a natural part of human life, that actually loads of women have sprogs, that Beyonce isn't just the only one. Those who had such a sane outlook on pregnancy and childbirth, were quickly silenced. Although no one knows quite how, it was done. I assure you, it was.

And then it went ON. When is Beyonce going to have the child? She gave us February as a date to write in our calenders. Nope. Fooled us. Her fans were like dogs with their tongues out and tails wagging, ready to receive a treat from her perfectly manicured hand, scented with jasmine and incredibly soft to the paw. Her 'Countdown' Behind the Scenes video, filmed back in September, shows her telling us that she is indeed six months pregnant and that she needs to use a body suit to cover up her bump. AND THEN there was the conspiracy theory that a surrogate was actually carrying her child, they accused Bey of faking her pregnancy and using a prosthetic belly throughout. The most damning evidence was the Australian interview that she did in which as she sat down her stomach collapsed. Check that out on Youtube for all of you who possess an smidgen of doubt. How DARE you if you do. IT'S BEYONCE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

As the news was announced today via online news and tweets from Rihanna and the music mogul Russel Simmons. I don't think many people are THAT excited. All this faffing about has kind of killed the mood. To be honest, I'm pretty angry because I wanted to announce my pregnancy like she did. But now I can't. Obviously, I am not yet blessed with that gift but when I am, it would be on stage. Now everyone will be like: "Back off, love. Beyonce has been there and done that. You should be ashamed. We hope your child, regardless of gender, is born with a fully grown beard". And I will cry and wheel myself off the stage in utter disgrace. 

The name of child is quite acceptable for celebrity standards. I quite like it. It's actually quite normal not like Apple or Willow Sage or what have you. We'll all just need to wait for the first appearance of the little girl, who will probably have learned the 'Single Ladies' dance by the age of 5 and will be worth $53 million by the age of 10. Like any of us will be jealous of that!

PS. Hope you all had a lovely New Year! As part of my resolutions, I'm going to be updating this more frequently. Yes, I'm getting my finger out! Also, might jazz it up abit. It looks pretty plain to me. So keep an eye out for the changes. xxx