Personal care and me

Living on my own has been grand during university. I'm still in the halls that I was in during first year and have met someone interesting people, some more so than others i.e. The flatmate with the 'midnight' lover who came round several times during the week and just ate all our food because she believed that the accommodation provided it- NOT THE BEN AND JERRY'S ICE CREAM!!!!!! YOU BEATCH! Nevertheless, I've really valued being away from home and my parents (I do love them but, you know, I need space) and having independence to just grow into a confident and beautiful young woman.

Now, in order to become the most 'confident' and 'beautiful' woman I can be whilst living on my own, I have what's called a Personal Carer/ Personal Assistant. That sounds great, doesn't it? They help with things like: cleaning, cooking, general personal care. I'm a Queen sitting on my own motorised throne, eating quail eggs with smoked salmon on toast for breakfast, reading an issue of Heat whilst working with my PA to achieve an effortless blow dry...... Yeah, like I can afford quail eggs or smoked salmon. I just pretend.

Seriously though, PA’s are great a support for disabled people trying to lead impendent lives. Or at least, they are when you get the right one. Personal care has honestly been one of the most frustrating things about living away but it has taught me alot about how to approach it all in the future, which in a way, I could say I'm grateful for. Usually, you get two choices: you can hire them privately or through an agency. Disabled people get assessed for a care package, which is an allocated number of hours given to you for your needs and is all funded by the council. When I first started and right now, I'm private. This means I employ my own PA which sounds rather good. Kind of like the Lord Sugar of the personal care world. Well, sort of. I choose my candidates, interview and hire them. I've never had the opportunity to fire someone. Would be boss though. Then they'd have to walk out all glum into a taxi with that authoritative/ scary music in the background. I wish it was actually like The Apprentice. Shame that it's not.

I've had good PA's from hiring privately. The only downside is that because I need such a limited number of hours, they have tended not to stay very long, as its not very stable (especially during uni holidays etc) so it has been a little bit tricky. The other option is the agency. The best agency PA I've had, was one that who went the extra mile and was amazingly kind, to the point that she made me pancakes in the morning and homemade shortbread. YES. Agencies are definitely good because they are more reliable. If one is ill then there is back-up. A disadvantage is that they usually do have more people to see, so working together can seem rushed. Reliability though, is really important when it comes to care and it's the one thing I've had a real struggle with. As a student, you need a PA to come get you ready in the morning for lectures. If I'm late, then I've missed out on important things that will be difficult to catch up on (You've gathered that I'm not one of those students who come to a lecture half an hour late, with the banging hangover, gasping for a bacon sandwich. I'm more of those: "ZOMG! I got a first in my literature and madness essay! I have to be in universitee every single day without having drinkies the night before because I is a clevur gurl!" Thus, the drug of choice that most interests me is intellectual and not recreational. Don't get me wrong though, I do like a drink and a night out on the razz, just when I've not got uni the next day. I'm not THAT boring). Similarly, when I get a job, repeatedly being late will result most probably in me being sacked. Keeping to a set time, shouldn't be that hard, right?

Well it was for this particular agency, especially at the beginning of my second year. Bear in mind, that they are paid to assist, by me, so I expect some degree of respect from them. Instead, I've had to contend with laziness, one just deciding to leave early frequently before the end of their shift and an accusation of me treating her like a 'slave'. Nice that. The 'slave' comment was the breaker for me, I just told the PA to leave before getting horrendously upset. I think all the frustration just kind of all came out over shit ones that I'd had recently and I think I was all emosh because I was due on. I remember I got to my theory class and I was trying to be all composed, then I just shot a look and one of my good friends and started again, although it seemed more animated and I manage to partake in some hyperventilation. Always great. Wheeled myself into a feminism lecture, calmed down. Inner belief was restored and I realised that I could do this, because I'm an INDEPENDENT WOMAN. *Cue relevant "Destiny's Child" track in own mind*

Overall then, personal care is often seen as a fundamental part of disabled person's life. For me, it just makes things a whole lot easier, physically. One thing that past experience has taught me is that it really is about the attitude of the person, no matter if they come privately or from an agency. Being in control of your own independence, means that you should to do the same thing with your care. If they are late repeatedly, hurl abuse or whatever they take to doing, you don't need to accept it. Show them the door and find another who will really respect you and do their job properly. They might be hard to find, but once you have, you can get on with your life just as you want to.
PS. Really would like to know what other disabled people think about personal care and how it has affected you. That'd be nice. Drop me a comment, if you like!