Ah, Gareth Gates. Haven't seen him in a while with his cute little face and speech impediment. However, I saw him on Monday fronting a programme entitled 'Stop My Stutter' in which Gareth, talks about how he's now a qualified speech therapist working on an intensive course to help stammerers overcome their affliction. Being a stammerer myself, I was somewhat interested in this programme. I mean I had to be. What kind of stammerer, would I be otherwise? I'd probably be lynched mobbed by Gazza and his followers. And no-one really deserves that. For others though, it was a chance to fill their hearts shamelessly with the emotion that only comes from engaging with disability related programmes: “Awwwww, they are soooooooo inspirational/ brave/ amazing (Delete as appropriate). “I'm literally crying through this” *BLUB* "God bless you, Gareth. I love you." ETC ETC ETC.
We all remember Gareth, ten years ago, a 17 year-old guy on Pop Idol. He walked into the audition in front of Simon Cowell, Pete Waterman, Nicki Chapman and Neil 'not an actual fox' Fox and sang the judges a classic bit of Westlife:
He got through. But more than that, he was one of the first people to be on TV with a stammer. Those who had speech impediments rejoiced, it was fantastic. We could finally be represented. Someone was like us. Then he lost to Will Young, who had a lisp. We were crushed.
Now, we can't deny that Gareth has done well after Pop Idol, with music and theatre career to his name, he even produced musical delights, like this:
I do actually commend his efforts and his hard work at raising awareness of this disability which is really good and something that every disabled person should endeavour to do, famous or otherwise. Although, I’m honestly not that supportive of the course that he was endorsing on this documentary, the Mcguire Programme. I know about this only because of two years ago. I went with a friend to see the delightful musical Sweet Charity. Oh, so it wasn’t exactly great and my friend had just broken up from her boyfriend, who she was in a three years relationship with and I took her to see this really appropriate lovey-dovey play. OK, we both felt like shit. We were made to realise that we both lacked romance in our lives AND I noticed that my stammer was so rubbish on the night, I literally couldn’t get out a sentence. My stammer was at a stage were my crutches (the things that a stammerer does to cover up the fact that they do ) were ridiculous, my tongue was sticking out and I was opening my mouth so wide that I thought my jaw was going to fall off. When I got home, I did the usually ‘dramatic cry/ feel sorry for self’ routine, this time over the sink of the upstairs bathroom (It made sense, I was getting ready to go to bed). But then, the difference was that I wanted change, I wanted to feel better about myself and needed to gain more control over it. Thus, this resulted in me finding the McGuire Programme.
It’s a course that mixes the psychological techniques of Joseph Sheehan, who tells you that stammering is a behaviour that you have control over rather than you being the ‘victim’ of your own situation with a technique called costal breathing (which in itself can be considered as a cover-up). Throughout the four day course, you learn how to re-programme your breathing to speak with more ease and fluency.
Fantastic, I thought. This looks great. I can sort out this problem once at for all. There was one tiny stipulation though…
The course is around £700 to attend excluding living and travel costs. If you take into account these then it’s around £1000.
Fair enough, that this is one way to help stammerers overcome their impediment. But then I can’t help thinking that this course and others exploit us and those like it to get their hands on our cash. If ten people go then that’s £10,000. And there’s such things known as ‘lifetime membership fees’ which are an extra few bob. We’ve already got disabilities. But asking us for that kind of money? They are not doing themselves any favours and frankly should be ashamed. I suppose that it is our choice though. Putting on what looks like your dad’s old belt, round your diaphragm and taking in a deep breath, is definitely worth that kind of money.
Admittedly though, it did help so people on the course, particularly the guy Simon who was soon getting married and was terrified about saying his wedding vows. He really was struggling with blocking and getting his words out. He seemed to have practised the art of costal breathing which is no more than four words with each breath to start, building up to a faster more normal pace. On his last day of the course, he presented himself to family and friends (cue emotional music) and spoke for a couple of minutes in a tone that sounded like he had just been aroused, sexually. He did manage to say what he wanted with much more ease than previously. See, it works for some.
I’m on an NHS speech therapy programme, at the moment. I don’t really go as much as I once did but it is always really good to know that I have (non-exploitive) support. I’ve come to learn that stammering is mainly driven by fear which you can only overcome by putting your into fearful situations, meaning that you need to confront them. Having the balls to say something in a seminar, interviewing someone for article (if you’re an aspiring journo, obvs), ordering a cheese and onion pasty from your local Greggs and using the phone. Anything like that. The more you do, the better you’ll get at doing it. Hence, your confidence and self- esteem shall flourish. No need to fork out loads of dosh or marvel at Gazza G’s gelled centre part of a hairstyle.
Until next time though, Gaz. Maybe we’ll see you in Celebrity Masterchef soon. Cooking a chocolate pudding or something. If it’s against Will Young, you can beat him and get the revenge you truly deserve.
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